a view from the laundry pile…

…it's all about perspective.

Itsy bitsy, my arse!

on April 10, 2012

I spent most of the morning cleaning off  the back porch, getting the pots ready for new spring flowers, breathing in the crisp morning air, and trying to avoid the spiders.  There are a lot of spiders here. A lot. Many varieties, too.  Some are even deadly (Hobo & Black Widow — both of which I’ve unhappily found and squished inside the house.  Regular, non-deadly spiders are spared and tossed outside for those of you who are thinking, right now, that I’m a mean, awful person for killing something that could cause a limb to turn black and fall off).  But, the one thing they have in common is that they generally seem to grow bigger here than anywhere else I’ve lived.  I’m not talking “Volkswagon big” but big enough to notice that they’re…well, bigger.  

I’ll never be convinced that my garden gloves are thick enough to ward off spider bites so I use a broom and snow shovel (stop snickering. It works just fine…) to pick up the yard and garden debris.  There were a handful of leaves that fell behind so I, unthinkingly, reached down, grabbed them, and a huge, and I mean  h u g e  garden spider came crawling out of them, went over my glove, and quickly headed up my sleeve.  Had there been an Olympic strip team, we could’ve won gold because of me.  In a micro-second, off came the sweatshirt as I did the ‘spider crawling on me” dance (which, by the way, is often confused with the “pee-pee” dance — there’s just not as much arm flailing) and I flung it to the ground and did a little body shudder while a slight “b’haazah” noise escaped my lips.  I watched the crumpled material as it lay in a heap on the ground.  I’m not sure what I was expecting to happen.  It wasn’t like the spider was going to haul it away or anything. 

Eventually the shell-shocked spider made its way out and, looking a little like a teeny drunken octopus, made its way over to the Forsythia bush and disappeared.   Thinking back, I probably could’ve just brushed it off but, in my defense, it did catch me by surprise.

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